Submission in Love – Michael Austin
The act of submission is commonly seen as a proof for ascertaining one’s loyalty to another, especially to a superior power and/or authority. Many “Ogas at the top” require that those subjected to them show their subordination by being submissive. This is not at all surprising because the average human being has this tendency and quest to dominate others. He/she usually finds fulfilment in being seen as the “Boss”, in being responsible for calling the shots and deciding who gets what.
It is not only in workplaces that the theme of submission is discussed. In love and marriage, it dominates discourses every now and then. In many societies, especially the African ones, cultural and religious tenets seem to legitimize the call for wives to submit to their husbands. Many husbands pride themselves in being addressed as heads of their households, and are quick to remind everyone that cares to listen about this.
While submission is not bad, the manipulation of its meaning is the problem. In seeking to give male-dominance a biblical foundation and approval, many have presented God to have willed the tyranny of patriarchy. A typical passage quoted to give this “divine seal” and consolidate the men’s claim of supremacy with respect to their wives is St. Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians.
Yes, Paul talks about submission. But what does he mean? A look at the verses in question will be of invaluable aid. In this letter of his to the people of Ephesus, he says:
“Wives, be subject to your husband as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the Church, the body of which He is the saviour. Just as the Church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands” (Eph. 5:22-24).
From the above, it is categorically clear that wives are exhorted to be submissive to their husbands. In fact, it is an obligation. But then the point here is this: the submissiveness of wives to their husbands is expected to be modelled after the one that characterizes the Church in relation to Christ. We all know that Christ, the Head, loves His body, the Church. The relationship between Christ and His Church is not one in which He dominates and lords it over her. It is all about love, care, guidance and sanctification of her. The Church is subject to Christ not due to what she does for Christ, but as a result of what He does for her. So, wives are called to be subject to their husbands not because of power and/or authority, but due to the love which the latter are expected to concretely have and demonstrate towards the former.
It is so sad that many husbands expect wives to show them a type of submission that has little or nothing to do with the one that St. Paul talks about above. There are not few cases of male spouses consigning their female counterparts to servitude and slavery all in the name of showing their manliness and “privileged position” of being the head of the created order.
Let us always remember that God created them “male and female” (Gen. 5:2). They are equal in dignity and should complement each other. He did not create the woman to live in bondage under the man, but to be his helpmate. A beautiful imagery that captures the complementarity that should exist between husbands and wives is provided by the following quote that is attributed to Myles Munroe: “God did not create woman from man’s head, that he should command her, nor from his feet, that she should be his slave, but rather from his side, that she should be near his heart”.
So, the required submission of the woman should not be seen as licence given to the man to domineer and dominate. It is actually an opportunity to express true love by serving her. In fact, the Holy Book tells us that the greatest is the one who serves (cf. Matthew 23:11).