Turning Point – Aroh Eberechukwu Benedicta
Look at you now, you are worthless. After all your church frequenting, the assistant prayer band leader and musical director position, this is what you have to show for it? Shame. You think God will look at you now? You are worthless before Him. Don’t even stress yourself saying anything because He won’t answer. See Adam and Eve when they disobeyed God, what did they do? They hid because they were wise enough to understand their plight. And that is exactly what you should do now, because you know your God does not behold iniquity.
Esther held her head in her hands as she sat on her bed and let those thoughts consume her. She was sobbing uncontrollably and jerking and swaying back and forth, her eyes were red and swollen and her nose ran nonstop. She remembered how it all started like it was yesterday…
She had left Abuja where her family resided earlier the previous year for youth service in Port Harcourt and was carrying out her primary assignment at an advertising firm. And in no time, she had made new friends there.
Anna was a co-worker who became a very close friend. Their friendship grew to the stage of frequenting each other’s house and sometimes passing a night. It was obvious Anna’s parents were well-to-do and had gotten her the job at the advertising firm that was owned by a close family friend of theirs. It was Anna who some weeks later, introduced her to the church she now attended. A church which her family attended. With time, Esther adapted and became very comfortable worshipping there. She joined the choir which Anna was also part of and she became dedicated in attending the Thursday prayer meetings. In no time, people in the groups grew fond of her because she was a very lively fellow and fun to be around.
It wasn’t long afterwards that she was made the musical director and the assistant prayer band leader. Esther was devoted and committed to what she did.
Youth service came and went and Esther had to return home. But of course, there was a big change in her life and because her family was catholic, it was difficult for the change to go unnoticed. Her mother was an active Legionary, so her style and pattern of prayer didn’t go down well with her. She stopped attending the choir rehearsals, so she would not sit with the choir during mass on Sundays. She also stopped taking the holy communion, and that was when her mother had to speak up.
“Your choir master, Ebuka said I should tell you that you would be taking the solo at the 10am mass tomorrow’’ Her mother announced as she came from cleaning the church that Saturday evening.
“I don’t understand, why would Ebuka ask me to take solo when I did not come for rehearsal? And besides, when last did he even see me at any rehearsal?’’
“Which brings me to my next question’’. She walked with her slight limp gait to sit on the sofa adjacent to her daughter. “Esther, I’ve been observing you since you got back from service. You don’t go for choir practice, you don’t take communion as well. Why? At least if you’re not in a state of grace, shouldn’t you then go to confession.
Esther stared. “Mummy as you see me, I am now a changed person o!”
“How?’’
“Mummy old things are passed away and all things have become new, can’t you tell?’’
It was her mother’s turn to snort.
“See mummy, this church now is you and your husband’s church. I now have my own church’’.
Mummy went wide-eyed. “I don’t understand’’
“I can’t keep going to a place that doesn’t edify my spirit. I can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. So, I have to go for a change. I have seen the light o, mummy’’.
“Mama o….’’. Her mother exclaimed placing her left hand on her head. “So, these things I hear outside is actually happening in my own home?’’
“What is happening?’’ Her father asked as he came in to meet the scenario.
“It is your daughter o. She said that the church does not edify her, that she has seen the light, and all other nonsenses she has been spouting.’’
Daddy turned and gave her a hard stare that felt like forever.
“Daddy, I just wanted to speak my truth’’.
Daddy sighed with his head slightly bent.
“And also, I would be returning to Port Harcourt’’.
Daddy raised his head and gave her a harder stare this time around. “And what is happening in Port Harcourt?’’
“Daddy, I told you before, I got a job there. I also have other commitments at my church.’’
“Esther you must be dreaming.”
His hands were on his waist. You know the principle in this family. No leaving home to stay on your own unless it is straight to your husband’s house. Don’t you learn anything at all from your elder sister?’’
“But daddy, I have told you, I have big commitments that I cannot afford to neglect. Besides I won’t be staying completely alone. My friend and I will be staying together. And daddy please stop comparing me to my older sister, she is herself and I am myself’’.
And that was how the parents who were knights of the church, and also godparents to other children and couples could not keep their own child from going astray.
Esther returned to Port Harcourt and resumed her usual activities. Anna had spoken to her parents and the company had retained her. They rented a self-contain apartment together which was not too far from work. Going back to church also was more fun especially since they had brought in a new organist, Kingsley. The dark-skinned, bearded, tall man. He wore this beautiful cologne that gave him an aura. You never missed the ladies around him.
One Tuesday after rehearsals, Kingsley was packing up the instruments and Esther was speaking to Anna who couldn’t make it to the rehearsal over the phone.
“Is your friend feeling okay?’’
He came over and asked.
Esther turned around to face him. “Oh yes, just a slight stomach upset, she is also at her parents’.’’
“Okay, send my greetings’’.
“Alright’’. They shared a smile.
“Oh wow, do you know your smile is as beautiful as your voice?’’
She could not help but blush. And that was how the situation-ship started. She would go over to his place to cook him meals and sometimes sleep over. They would talk about the future, and some other times, she would throw random questions at him.
“How many kids would you like to have? Where would you like to live after marriage?”
And at other times,
“Look, my course-mate back then in school just got engaged. Do you know this girl, she loved to sit close to me during exams back then eh, she would copy my work and after the exams she would start thanking me.
“But why is she putting on this kind of color for her engagement? Hmm, when it is my turn eh, I will put on something very sharp, but it will look simple. She didn’t even do her nails. Her ring is not that sparkly. Hmm, don’t worry, let them wait for my turn.”
Esther went as far as making Kingsley a prayer point.
“But has he actually stated what exactly it is you both are doing?” Anna would ask her
“I don’t understand, we are an item of course, all these efforts I’ve been putting in, what do you think it’s about?”
“But has he been putting same?’’
“That is why I am praying nah’’
“Okay.’’
Mummy also called her some of those times. And on one of those days she said to her: “Esther, mother Mary said to tell you that, that is not the way to go about that matter. That you should begin a devotion to her and she would assist you, but first you need to go to confession.”
“Mummy please stop, you are now bringing prejudice into the message. Besides if there was actually anything wrong God would tell me himself, after all I’ve been talking to him we’ve been communicating’’.
“Esther, is there any problem?’’
“No mummy, everything is fine’’.
If only she had let mummy in on what was happening then, if only she had listened to the message, if she had read the clear writing on the wall, if she had noticed that Kingsley never gave her clear and positive response whenever she talked about their future together, then all these wouldn’t have happened. She wouldn’t have gotten pregnant and him coercing her into having an abortion. She would have summoned courage ask to him where exactly their relationship was headed and he would then tell her that he wasn’t aware they were in any relationship because he never officially asked her out, besides he wasn’t ready for any commitment yet, he thought they were just chilling and having fun as two consenting adults. She wouldn’t have been so heartbroken only to find out that she was pregnant again. She wouldn’t have gone through with another abortion. And she wouldn’t have lost her womb this time around.
So now you see why I said God can never forgive you. So many waters under the bridge my dear, so don’t bother wasting your time and going to Him for forgiveness, just continue from where you stopped, and see, you’ll stop feeling this way. All these churches sef, they don’t have anything good to offer to you. Okay, imagine what a member of this your present church did to you, is that how a Christian should behave? And you too, foolish girl that doesn’t listen to her parents, is this how a Christian behaves? Esther, you have lost everything and there is no going back. No remedy!
When the prodigal son left his father’s house, what happened? He went and squandered all his inheritance and then he started eating pigs’ food. And what happened afterwards? He realized himself and made a bold step of returning to his father. Now, when he got home did his father reject him? No! instead he ran to meet his son, kissed him, appareled him and threw him a big feast. All that was possible because the son made a decision and his father was earnestly and eagerly waiting for him, longing to see him.
It is never too late.
Esther slumped on her knees and let out a loud cry.
“My daddy, I have come…’’